I'm having a hard time tonight coming up with the "right" words to say. You hear that a lot in situations like this when someone is terminally ill. People talk about the "right" words to use. I wish there was a thesaurus or a Idiot's Guide for this situation.
Earlier today, a Hospice social worker came by to provide us with comfort and guidance. I won't go into details, because it isn't worth the time I would waste to tell the story. What I will say is that for all of her training, there was no comfort in her words. I know she was trying her best and I know she meant no harm. However, sometimes the professionals can't provide us with the comfort we need.
Truthfully, I found more comfort in speaking with Ashlee's 1st and 3rd grade teachers who were also visitors today. They shared stories about both Ashlee and Carlee when they were growing up and attending St. Jude's. Nothing significant, just the little things you don't realize at the time will be the ones that will mean the most to you. The ones that people will remember about you when you are gone.
Sharing stories about Ashlee is what I want to do right now. I want to remember her for breaking into the running man dance for no reason at all other than she was just being Ashlee. I want to remember all of her silly little sayings for everything. Skirty, her security pillow. Lu Lu for bed time. Her love of Starbucks, Tinker Bell, Hello Kitty and Victoria's Secret. Watching her dance in her dance recital every year. This is what I will hold onto after she is gone.
It hurts me to watch her fade a little more each day. Thankfully she rested peacefully all through the night and for the most part, napped the day away today. She still responds to us. She still knows who we all are, but I feel like the clock is ticking. I just wish I knew how to stop time. Scratch that, I wish I knew how to turn back time.
If you have a favorite Ashlee story, please share it with us. She has touched so many people's lives, I'm sure there are many Ashlee moments out there that we know nothing about.
I'm off to try and Lu Lu myself. More tomorrow.
Heather
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Ashlee with boyfriend Mitch and his niece
The Girls
November 29, 1987 ~ May 6, 2008
ASHLEE KOERNER FUND
A fund has been created at the Bank of Elwood. Please send all donations to:
Bank of Elwood
c/o Ashlee Koerner Fund
430 East Mississippi Avenue
Elwood, IL 60421
Thank you!
Bank of Elwood
c/o Ashlee Koerner Fund
430 East Mississippi Avenue
Elwood, IL 60421
Thank you!
About Me
- Heather
- Minooka, Illinois, United States
- I am the wife of Ashlee's cousin Chuck. I started this blog in order to keep all of our friends and family up to date on her condition. Please keep all of us, especially Ashlee, in your prayers.
Ashlee with boyfriend Mitch and his niece
Carlee, Tina, Judy and Ashlee
The Girls
5 comments:
Hello my name is Krystal Warren or also known by ashlee "cuppy". I have like others have been searching for the words to express how i feel. I realized last night that there are no such words that exsist to express the thought of losing ashlee. She's my best friend and we've had so many moments together i probably couldn't share all of them with you. I could definetely try though. Ash and I used to go to the mall all the time and gather up a whole rack of dresses, take them in the dressing room and form our own little run way show. Of course we would never buy any of the dresses we tryed on. We have so many pictures of us doing that.
I also remember prom '06. We were both complaining how we didnt have anyone to go with and how lame we would be if we showed up to our senior prom with no date! *smiles*
So Ashlee decided that we should go together and have the time of our lives. So we did just that. We went to the mall yet again in search of things to make us look like princess's. Her all dressed up in her tinkerbell dress and me in my pink dress. She was right we didn't need any guys to go with us. We had the time of our lives that night. Ashlee always seemed to have the right things to say to people to make them feel better.
Ashlees illness is still a shock to me, as it is to others. I keep searching deep down how someone so full of life and so genuine can end up so tired and sick in such a short time.
I will probably never understand any of this, But I have realized that i will always have my best friend. She will always be in my heart and my prayers. She will be in my dreams and at every occasion looking down on me. I will always have the memories that we shared together. All the emotional and the funny crazy moments. Nothing will ever erase any of that......
Ashlee will ALWAYS be my TINYDANCER.
And I Will ALWAYS be her CUPPY.
<3
Hello my name is Ryan and I am Mitch's sister. While I have not know Ashlee very long, I have enjoyed meeting her and getting to know her. I have spent time with the two of them together and it truly is one of the most heartwarming things that I have ever seen. Just before Ash was diagnosed it seemed like we were all in Walmart together every couple of days...That is one memory that I will keep. Walking behind my brother and Ash watching the two of them and seeing how happy they are together. Watching Mitch kick her in the butt and her playfully shove him across the aisle while my girls and I just laughed at Ashlee beating up Uncle Mitch.
Even now when I see the two of them, as tired as she is, you can tell how wonderful they make one another feel. When I have seen her I am not sure what to say to Ashlee and I am not sure if anything is appropriate, is there such a thing as the right words? I do know this... My life will never be the same after meeting Ashlee and neither will the rest of my families. We love that we have had the chance to get to know Ashlee and her family even if only for a little while. We love all of you and always will.
My name is Andrea, I am a close friend of the Schroeders. I met Ashlee once around Christmas time. I have heard many great stories about her and how happy she makes Mitch. It saddens me to know that she is going through this, but she is not alone. Nor are her "families". Although I don't know her, I have kept her,her family, and the Schroeders in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless!
Hi I'm Val and I'd just like to say how wonderful it is that Ashlee has such an amazing family who so obviously loves her. I just remember that Ashlee will never be gone; she is in every person's heart who has ever met her. She has that effect on people. I remember starting high school and not really knowing anyone but Ashlee was so nice to me--we had like all the same classes and since in many we were seated alphabetically, we sat next to or near each other. Ashlee with her bubbly personality made lots of friends quickly. There was always giggling from the group of girls that Ashlee sat with in class--Katie, Bridget, Michelle, Anjel, myself, and so many others. Needless to say that girl has some jokes! We all love her and I don't have one bad or negative memory of her; she's much too classy for drama and negativity. I'm truly blessed to have experienced those four fun years with her.
MY SISTER MY FRIEND,
I ONLY NEW ASHLEE FOR A SHORT TIME BUT IN THAT TIME I GREW TO LOVE HER AND ACCPET AS MY SISTER. I WILL GREATLY MISS HER AND WILL ALWAYS HAVE HER IN MY HEART. I JUST WANT TO SEND MY LOVE TO THE FAMILY AND LET THEM KNOW THAT I HAVE THEM IN MY PRAYERS. I LOVE YOU JUDY AND KEEP STRONG. ASHLEE HAS GONE HOME TO A BETTER PLACE AND WE DON'E HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HER BECAUSE SHE IS WITH OUR MAKER AND WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF. I WILL MISS YOU ASHLEE AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
JAMIE MCKNIGHT
WALGREENS
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